Just one of those days when I am at the end of my physical, mental and emotional resources. Work was hectic, though I did get to come home early. But there’s drama and now I don’t know what to do, as I was apparently not supposed to know I might be leaving and I asked someone for advice and maybe they blabbed and now it’s a swirl of hard feelings and broodiness worthy of a Shakespearian play.
I just want to be able to work 40-45 hours a week and do my own thing the rest of the time. I didn’t think this was so much to ask? Am I wrong about that? Regardless of when my work end date is, I’ll do the job and do it well right up to the last minute. I can’t physically handle anymore 60 hour work weeks, but for the time I can devote to the job I will give my all and then some.
Which is probably how I ended here, now that I look back. It was the “and then some” that set expectations too high and now that I’m burning out, people are frustrated that I’m not as available or responsive. Or, apparently, polite. Which, in the middle of a launch cycle, might be forgiven. It’s not ideal, but when you’re up against a gigantic global marketing push and trying to …. *sigh* You know what, just…nevermind.
This is one of those times when I wish I had a friendly mew to curl up and purr me to sleep. Unfortunately, though nearly as soft, the Posh Yarn order will have to suffice. It’s not mobile and it doesn’t rumble soothingly or give me loveblinks, but it’s soft as kittens and it’s fairly absorbent if I should happen to cry all over it tonight.
Ouch. I see that a kitten might be in order. Or at least a foster cat.
I’ll think of you while you work thru this.
Comment by Cathy — Wednesday, 12 March, 2008 @ 6:39 AM
I can’t get over our parallels. I was totally bawling last night. And my work would never set me free, so that’s sort of the problem. Your work — I’ve been thinking of this — they think of people as commodities. An endless supply of expendible labor. You know, like the great pyramids, only at your work, everyone is salivating to be put in the harness and have the whip cracked, rather than being forced into it. They churn you through, get all they can out of you, burn you out, and then move on to the next victims. I’m SO GLAD that you’ll be moving on to bigger and better things.
Me, I think I tentatively decided to quit my job today. The pricing thing fell through for sure, it seems. They talk of bringing me on in the future, but it’s not like I feel as if I can count on them anymore, and I was really just barely hanging on in my job to see if this came through. Since it hasn’t, I don’t know that I can keep hanging in there hoping for something else. I’ll start applying for jobs, I’ll see if we end up getting the new house (in which case I probably can’t quit), and if it works out that I’ll just quit, then I’m going to give them some long notice and be done. It freaks me out, but I think it might be a great thing. I just haven’t really been unemployed ever. I went straight from college into a full-time job, and I’ve only had the three jobs (non-stop) since 1998. Maybe it’s time to learn to walk the tightrope without a net…
*serious hugs*
Comment by Andrea — Wednesday, 12 March, 2008 @ 7:15 PM
Cathy, thanks for your comment. I’m sorry I wasn’t quite with it enough to say so in a timely fashion. Things are a little bit better but not much right now.
And A, as always, we are totally in sync. And I think you could do so, so much better. You’re amazing, and frankly, I think you deserve a break. As you said you’ve gone from HS to college to FTE immediately. Take some time for goodness sake!
Comment by moiraeknittoo — Tuesday, 25 March, 2008 @ 7:22 PM