Twists of Fate

To give you some frame of reference for my state of mind right now, I cried like crazy at seeing hummingbirds sipping at the feeder I put out for them. I was devastated at the idea that the stray kitty I’ve been feeding might not come back because I didn’t have time to stop and feed her two days ago when I was on my way out of the house. She didn’t come back that day, but came back yesterday and I burst into tears that this mew trusted me enough to come back for nummies.

I have so many plans, all of which are stalled until they finish all the eviction proceedings for the crazy dude who used to live here. I think that may be done later this week, but landlady still needs to go in and clean, so in all reality, it won’t be until this weekend before I can get in there. Which really blows, as it puts my plans two weeks behind.

Ah well. Maybe it’s for the best. Last week I ended up crashing physically, coming down from over a year of massive stress from this past job. This week? Appears to be the emotional cratering. I have a hard time believing anyone wants anything to do with me aside from what I can do for them, and this past 10 days of mostly complete isolation is…very odd, especially after spending my work days with a ton of people.

I think I knit all of three rows on a dishcloth this week. I hope to get to slapping the Woolee Winder on the Majacraft Alpaca next week, but can’t unearth the winder and bobbins until I can move into my new craft space. The picker from Pat Green should be here shortly, the sunshine has finally gotten to a point where I can do a yearly shake ‘n bake in black plastic bags for the fleeces, and I hope to get my ass out of this house and to a bookstore or a coffee shop to do some research in a comfy chair. I’d do it at home, but I can’t see the couch under all the boxes.

There’s a family of squirrels playing tag on my stairs. There’s five of them, and the poodles that live upstairs are going insane with WANT! The slow drowsy sound of bumblebees harvesting pollen from the plethora of flowering weeds in my “yard” is sleepymaking (not that it takes much right now). Ah, everyone just made for the trees because GhostyMew (stray kitty…she’s a longhair grey with sea green eyes SO PRETTY!) is here and wants lunch. Better go work on that. :)

Someday soon I’ll get over this feeling of purposelessness and this drifting. I suppose I’ve earned it over the past couple of years, but it’s difficult to adjust to after the fuss, bother and insanity.