Twists of Fate

The Veil between the worlds is thin, and thank the gods the time has come to take a step back and evaluate the past year, and plan for the coming one.

This past year was a very stressful one for me. Work just completely spiraled out of control beginning in mid-October 2007. I don’t really even remember October-March…I was working like 60 hours a week, and even with a short getaway to Orcas Island to stay in a ridiculously beautiful and amazing rental cottage, I was burned out by the time my team launched these online campaigns for three huge products at the end of February. I was acting in a supervisory/management capacity even if it wasn’t in my SOW, was working with a total DICK of a vendor who was brought in by the ultimate client to “clean up the mess” her coworker (who she eventually had transferred to a different job by being a total bitch) made, and generally life blow big fat chunks until about the end of March. At that point, I was able to work only about 45 hours a week, as the new folks were a bit more up to speed, asshole!vendor was busy doing his documentation (after I spent nearly 35 hours a week for four months refining everything with him) and I could try to relax a little. At which point I was told, “It’s like you’ve just stopped working.” Buh? Things are finally clicking along and you think I stopped working? This woman was the worst manager I’ve ever run across.

So I said “fuck all y’all” and got out as soon as I could. Which, unfortunately, wasn’t until mid-June, as finding my replacement took forever and a day. Only the last of three potential replacements had the moxie to keep it running, and I pity her for stepping into that role. I was sad too, because they finally replaced the asshole with a truly lovely FTE that I wish I had had more time to work closely with. She was no nonsense, totally understood my job and the fact that I’d kept the whole freakin’ machine going for sixteen months with little to no help, and she even gave me four days off right before I left.

I think I pretty much slept until the end of July. Complete and total burnout to a level I’ve not experienced before and hope to never live through again. I finally began being more aware of life in August, and began looking for a new job with an eye to start right after Labor Day. HAHAHAHAHA! I am funny person, apparently, because it’s only TODAY that I have an interview for a new position with a client.

This job is about 5000x less responsibility, stress and doods. There’s apparently this whole thing that I haven’t done for two years now that’s all the rage among kids these days. I think they call it a “lunch hour”? And something called “a 40 hour work week”?

Whoa. Innovation happens when you’re not looking, doesn’t it?

In all seriousness though, it’s a couple of steps back in my career, but I would be happy to land the job. Because my life has been so far out of balance for so long, I’ve burnt out the TILT light that was warning me of serious consequences. This job is something steady, where I can find my feet again and perhaps take some classes or have the time to get some certifications…that sounds like the path to take at this time.

One of the things I hope to do in the dark time of this year is to try to find that balance again. Yes, work might be a bit boring, but on the other hand, I might actually have the energy to see friends. Do some crafting! Read more books! Enjoy time spent with other people instead of resenting it because I’m so exhausted all I want to do is sleep! To think about more than the job, to have my last thoughts before I fall asleep be something other than spreadsheets, flow charts or wire frames and instead be filled with hope or dreams of romance, or love, or laughter and joy. To wake up feeling positive, instead of like I’ve been run over by a truck which was followed by a steamroller and then some sort of street sweeper that was spraying acid instead of water.

Another thing that’s been sorely lacking has been concentrating on my spiritual side. No ritual, other than some small offerings on the Sabbats. Esbats? What are those? Tarot? I don’t even know where I put all my decks. Astrology? I’ve got a stack of about thirty books that are awaiting my attention.

One other intriguing thing that a couple teachers have mentioned to me is the idea that I’ve got a very, very, VERY thin barrier holding back a talent for working with the dead. The last teacher was gobsmacked by the energy I can raise when I put my mind to it. But I haven’t done anything with these potential gifts, and I think I’d like to spend the next year or so learning more about them.

It’s that time of the year again. The veil is thin, the year is ending, the new one to begin again soon and with the rebirth is a whole new realm of possibility is open for exploration. It’s time to honor not just the dead (I still miss you Jayne and Bill), but to lay to rest those things which no longer serve me, to rest and make room for the coming of the light and new growth in a few months.

The wheel continues to turn. This year, I hope to truly make a new start and the best of the time and gifts I’ve been given.

Blessed be!

I feel like heaving a huge honkin’ sigh of relief. It is Ostara, the Spring Equinox, and I finally feel like I made it through another grey season intact.

Now, to me, we’re halfway through Spring rather than it beginning today. We do transition into Aries though, and believe me all the fiery energy is kicking my bum already at work. It’s a little easier to take now that it’s nice enough outside to go and take a deep breath and smell growth and renewal rather than just…wet. Still not fun, but better.

My ritual habits are very simple. Usually a small bit of food to reflect the season.

Apologies for the poor pic, but it’s still pretty low light here today. I don’t know if you can see the “trees” in this, but I picked this up at that shop in Port Townsend and immediately felt the energy buzzing up my arm. It was the offering bowl I didn’t know I was looking for. It’s perfect and gorgeous and I love it.

Again a poor pic, but this one looks like the ripples and streams of a slow moving stream are captured within the grain of the wood.

I have a very small vase that matches the bowls that I’ll use for a flower as an additional offering, but of course I forgot to take a picture of this! I think Fire and Air will be represented by the incense and candle I’ll burn during ritual.

All are hand crafted from California redwood. Holding them brings to mind a small, secret clearing nestled among the towering elders, where shafts of sunlight pierce the morning fog and brilliantly illuminate the loamy forest floor. In my minds eye I can hear the calls of the birds and animals that live within the forest, and hear the trickle of the stream as it winds it’s way through the area. It is very peaceful, and perfect, and even though it’s in my mind’s eye only, it’s a refuge and a sacred space that I am grateful to visit.

This new year, beginning with Ostara, I hope to use these tools to celebrate the turning of the wheel of the year, and give thanks for all I’ve learned, have and will become.

May your year be bountiful and amazing, and filled with joy, love and laughter!

After a truly awful day at work, I take a moment to breathe and in lieu of doing ritual to honor the day, welcome the dark season with a sigh of relief. The veil is thin, those who have gone before are close tonight, and I’m hoping they’ll share whatever wisdom they feel can help me regain my balance and direction.